Suzanne Fine – To Reconnect with Our Playful Past

Claudia Henock 0:05
Hi, everyone! Welcome to Your Most Precious Thing, the show that talks about the stories behind the items we hold near and dear to our hearts. I am your host, Claudia Henock, and let’s meet our guest for this week.

Claudia Henock 0:17
Suzanne Fine is a professional consultant based in Maryland. Outside of her work, she enjoys hanging out with friends and family, watching horror movies, reading true crime stories, walking her dog, Blossom, and completing her personal goal of playing every available Mario game possible.

Claudia Henock 0:34
Hi, Suzanne, welcome to the podcast. How are you doing today?

Suzanne Fine 0:37
I’m good, Claudia. Thanks for having me. I’m so happy to be here.

Claudia Henock 0:42
No problem. So let’s get started. So, to start, what would you say is your most precious thing?

Suzanne Fine 0:49
Okay, well, it is my first toy that I was given when I was born in the hospital. I don’t want to say the year because it’s going pretty far back there. But I was born at Columbia Hospital for Women in Washington, DC, and my grandmother gave me this dog. That is a plush dog, I don’t know what kind of dog it is. But, yeah, it was the first, I guess, first material possession I was ever given. And my grandma was there in the hospital with my mom. And she gave it to me and his name is Jeffrey, and he’s been with me for however many years.

Suzanne Fine 1:31
He looks pretty beat up now. I have to admit, I’ve never actually given him a bath. So he’s kind of a little shabby, but I love him. And he’s, yeah, he’s been by my side my whole life. I know they say material things are not, you know, don’t bring you happiness. But I don’t know what I do without him. And yeah, he’s here with me.

Claudia Henock 1:58
It’s the connection that’s important.

Suzanne Fine 2:00
Yeah, setimental.

Claudia Henock 2:02
Yeah. So do you remember why you decided to name him Jeffrey?

Suzanne Fine 2:10
You know, I don’t. It must have been my parents that did that. That’s a good question. I never even thought about it. And in fact, I know there’s two ways to spell Jeffrey. There’s the j, e, f, f r e y. And then there’s the g e o. And I don’t even know which way we spell it. It could be either one. But I’m, I’m sure when I was born, I did not come up with that name, it must have been one of my parents.

Claudia Henock 2:32
You’re totally fine. When I was younger, I actually had to go to the hospital for back surgery. And what the hospital did was they gave all the patients teddy bears to give them comfort like when they were going to go into surgery, and actually called mine Helpful. So hearing Jeffrey, I was just like, that was just a very interesting name.

Suzanne Fine 2:57
I never even thought about who gave him the name. Like he’s just always been that to me since I can remember so, and I also don’t really, if you’ve ever seen the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. But there’s a scene where they say, you know, “We’re not gonna wash the pants because you can’t wash the magic.” And that’s how I feel about him. I guess, I’ve never, ever washed him, and it shows, but that’s okay, because I don’t want to wash the magic out of him, yeah.

Claudia Henock 3:31
Yeah, and that’s up to you, and based on the picture and how I’m, what I’m seeing in the video right now, he’s in like, really, really good condition still, because…

Suzanne Fine 3:39
Really, you think so?

Claudia Henock 3:41
No, seriously, have you seen videos of people like showing their baby blankets and their stuffed animals, and sometimes they’re just, it’s a thread, essentially?

Suzanne Fine 3:50
Yeah, well, I guess maybe in a couple more decades, he might be, but he’s still like, I mean, I think when I first had him, he was white. And now he’s obviously like, a shade of grey. He has eyes and you can’t see the eyes because of how shaggy the fur is and I… and one thing I wanted to mention was that I never travel with him because I’m afraid that if I lost my luggage, or if somehow anything got lost, if he were lost, I don’t know what I would do, so because you know, I’m okay with like, I have other stuff that I really like, but nothing means this much. No inanimate object means as much as he does, so I leave him at home.

Claudia Henock 3:50
You want to keep them safe, and I totally understand that.

Suzanne Fine 4:39
Yeah, yeah, he just, I mean, obviously my grandmother’s long gone, but you know, he just reminds me of my childhood and…

Claudia Henock 4:49
Sometimes you need things like that too to remember like the good parts of your childhood too, and just remember the memories and the people that you associate with.

Suzanne Fine 4:57
Yeah, I mean, I’m definitely been thinking a lot about my childhood recently. And I don’t know, I don’t know if there’s a certain age where you start reflecting on it a little differently, but I feel like I’ve hit that age. And it’s just nice to have something from like, you know, back when we were a little bit more innocent, shall I say?

Claudia Henock 5:20
Yeah, and sometimes it’s good to reflect too, because sometimes we’re always on the go on the go, I’m doing this. I’m doing that, just like a whole bunch of stuff. And sometimes it’s just important to stop and smell flowers or just to reflect how far you come essentially.

Suzanne Fine 5:36
Yup. Maybe I should wash him, I’m looking at him now.

Claudia Henock 5:41
Well, the good thing is too is you can probably either hand wash Jeffery, and he’ll totally be okay. Or, that actually might be your best bet because I know there are Instagram accounts dedicated, where people like take care of people’s old stuffed animals. But I think considering your fear, it might be better to just probably handwash, handwash Jeffrey yourself and he will look brand spanking new.

Suzanne Fine 6:05
Yeah. I mean, he, he’s all right. He’s hanging in there. I’m actually looking at the tag on him. And I don’t think since he prompted me to do this. This is the first time I’ve ever even looked at this. He’s just always been here. I never thought about who named him. Now, I’m gonna find that out because now I’m curious.

Claudia Henock 6:26
That will definitely be an interesting update as well.

Suzanne Fine 6:29
Yeah, and how do we spell it? Because there’s two different ways and who was named after? Because actually, we had on, my dad’s cousin, who’s no longer with us, was named Jeffrey. So I wonder if that had something to do with that, maybe? I’ll find this out. It’s my mission now.

Claudia Henock 6:44
So do you always see Jeffrey being by your side for the rest of your life? Or do you see him like a gift you want to give it to like another family member? Maybe to your child, if you ever decide to have children, or to a niece or nephew? Like how your grandma gave Jeffrey to you originally, when you were a baby?

Suzanne Fine 7:06
I’ve actually never thought about that either. I want to say that he would be by my side my whole life. But then there’s the selfless, you know, part of yourself that you have to think about, well, what if you do have kids? You’re gonna want to hand that down to them. Because you know, we’re not going to be around forever. So maybe? Well, I know he’ll stay in the family.

Claudia Henock 7:27
Yeah.

Suzanne Fine 7:28
I can say that much. But I can’t see myself giving him to like a friend or you know, just, he would definitely stay in the family.

Claudia Henock 7:37
Ever since I started this project, it’s really interesting to hear what people think about, like the items in their lives and the connections that they have. And it’s important for people to reflect on it and see how far they come.

Suzanne Fine 7:49
Yeah, I mean, he does remind me of my age, that’s for sure. Well, we’re all getting older. So…

Claudia Henock 7:56
Yeah, but just because we’re getting older doesn’t mean we give up the things that we love. Like, I think we spoke about this, off the record earlier, but I think recently there was a news report saying how adults are like the biggest buyers of toys now, because people are trying to like reconnect with their childhoods.

Suzanne Fine 8:14
And if you walk into my apartment, you think that there was like a five year old living here, because I love toys. I mean, I don’t think you’re ever too old for them. They bring you happiness, you know don’t get carried away with it, but if you have room and you have, you know, you have a job, and you can, I love toys. They make me happy, but none of them mean as much to me obviously as this one. I know he would just look like a regular random toy to anyone else, but he means a lot to me.

Claudia Henock 8:47
Yeah, like Helpful means same to me as well.

Suzanne Fine 8:50
That’s really cute. I like that name.

Claudia Henock 8:52
Yeah, I have a few, like, special items my life, but he’s kind of like one the items that’s been in my life for a really long time now. Because when I was younger, I had to get back surgery for my scoliosis and I had to be homeschooled for a little bit and Helpful was one thing that gave me comfort, so I understand why Jeffrey gave you so much comfort as well.

Suzanne Fine 9:10
I keep going back to this whole like, material things don’t make you happy, but I mean, sometimes depending on when you get the material thing, and who gives it to you, and what the circumstances are, they actually do bring you happiness. And I, out of all people, I love toys, probably more than the average adult is willing to admit. So…

Claudia Henock 9:30
Well there’s definitely still a market for toys that are geared toward adults now. Whether you want to go more like the art piece route, where it’s like the collectible dolls, or whether you just want to relive your days with Barbie and Legos. There’s nothing wrong with that, especially since there’s products geared more towards adults within those businesses for example too.

Suzanne Fine 9:50
Yeah, there’s like, what is it called, Kid Robot, if you’ve heard of them. They make like really artistic, expensive toys that I can’t imagine are just for children. Well, I’ve bought them for myself, but I know other people who are into that that are around my age. And okay, the other day, I actually went to McDonald’s to get one of the Happy Meals. So, and I haven’t done that in a long time, but it’s because they were Mario themed. You know me, so I had to do that. I’m not even. no shame, no shame.

Claudia Henock 10:28
Trust me. I’m not, I’m not judging. The last time I went to McDonald’s, I went to get one of those adult happy meals with, I think was like, the brand was like Cactus Flea Market. And essentially, they were like plastic vinyl figures. But it was a fun experience. It was very silly, but fun.

Suzanne Fine 10:41
But I knew a lot of people our age who wanted those. So toys are not just for kids. Definitely not. But, yeah, this guy will stay with me forever. I love him.

Claudia Henock 11:00
Yeah. And that’s really good to hear, too. I wish I had Helpful with me, but he’s currently at my parents right now, where are he’s safe, because I’m kind of in a, in a period of transition. And I wish I could have brought him because he’s, I guess, when you asked me what my most precious thing is, it’s like a tie of two items, essentially. I would say my first item would be Helpful, because he was a major source of comfort when I had to be out of school for a little bit to recover from my back surgery. And then my second item will be I usually just refer to it as Cheshire but it’s a Cheshire Cat plush from the Disney Store. And I had it with me since college, since I moved to like Richmond, it kind of became a replacement for my dogs. Because, for the places I lived in, I couldn’t have my dogs with me. So, it was just a way to give me comfort.

Suzanne Fine 11:53
Well, I think you did the right thing by leaving them with your mom, because I’m paranoid about losing this guy. So even when I traveled and I wanted him to be with me, I didn’t bring him because I didn’t want to lose them, you know, places will lose stuff all the time, or you’re traveling and you lose something. Don’t want to take that chance. Yeah, well, you know, when you have memories, that I guess that confirms the whole precious factor, right? You know? Yep, no, toys for me have definitely come and gone. And I’ve bought a lot of impulsive things. I don’t think anybody could buy him for me. Like he couldn’t offer me any amount of money, either. So, I think the only way I would give him up is if it were between him and my real dog.

Claudia Henock 12:44
Yeah.

Suzanne Fine 12:45
Then, then we might have to reconsider. But otherwise no.

Claudia Henock 12:51
Yeah, that’s definitely a fair assessment. So what would you say to someone that’s listening to this episode right now, that wants to connect with their childhood self, and wants to connect with the items and the experiences in the life that was precious to them? Do you have any advice for that type of person?

Suzanne Fine 13:10
Oh, if they don’t already have something material, like a toy that they were given when they were young, two things, I think, helped me connect with, I guess, who I used to be, or I look at pictures sometimes. Like, I have photo albums, and you know, pictures of me with my mom when I was kid, and on like family vacations and stuff. And then there’s also writing. So for me, like, I haven’t done this lately, but I used to write in a journal a lot, almost every day. And sometimes going back to old entries from even you know, 5-6-7 years ago, which wasn’t that long ago, helped me to kind of see who I used to be and who I am now and see how far I’ve come but also to just like, reconnect with?

Suzanne Fine 14:01
I don’t know, that’s a hard question. Yeah, I would say photos and writing instead of if you like, if you don’t have, you know, favorite toy or something that was given to you, or, you know, like one of my friends is a huge minimalist, so he literally has nothing, like zero items in his possession, which I think is crazy. But if you’re one of those people, you know, you want to look at like, writing or journals, or photos really, but it’s definitely, definitely a lot of thoughts and feelings that get conjured up thinking about the past because there’s like, good memories and obviously there’s bad memories. And then you know, you get nostalgic and you start missing it too. So it’s, it’s a complicated thing to reckon with, I think the past so and, you know, looking at writing might not work for everyone. Some people might even be triggered by it. I don’t know it just that for me, I would say look at pictures and writing.

Claudia Henock 15:02
It’s good to reflect where you’ve come from, so you know where you’re going in the future, right?

Suzanne Fine 15:07
Yeah. Sometimes, especially during the pandemic, it’s felt like, you know, where are we going from here or like, things seem to be a little bit more stagnant than they used to be. But I think looking at the past gives you hope, definitely for the future.

Claudia Henock 15:20
Definitely. And sometimes it leads to fun challenges too. Like, I know your, one of your main goals in your bio is to complete every single Mario game right now.

Suzanne Fine 15:30
Which I’m actually happy to announce that I beat Super Mario Galaxy today. So I’m very proud of myself. That was a hard one, actually, that is one of my short term goals, personal entertainment goals is to beat the Mario games. And I’ve beat three of them so far. So I consider that an accomplishment, because the younger me, speaking of younger self, the younger me was super bad at these games, I would always play them growing up like Nintendo 64, and Gamecube, I was so bad at them, and I had to have other people come in and beat them for me. And I’m proud to report that I’ve literally done all three of the 3d games for GameCube, 64, and Wii. I’ve beat all those by myself. So I’m very proud, okay. Bragging over!

Claudia Henock 16:25
Hey, that’s totally fair too. Essentially, the main lesson that I’m getting from this particular interview right now is, it’s good to essentially reconnect with your childhood self.

Suzanne Fine 16:36
So I actually I attend a support group that I go to maybe every one or two weeks. And they talked recently about connecting with your younger self. And I forget exactly how they visualize it. But they said, you have to imagine in your head that you’re sitting right next to your younger self. And you’re sort of like talking to them, and you in your head, you can kind of imagine how your younger self would respond to your older self. And you can sort of have that, like, hypothetical conversation, and then you like take their hand, and you just feel closer to your younger self through that imagery. I think it’s interesting. I had never heard that before. It’s a really abstract concept to think of reaching out to your younger self. But anyways, yeah, I like that imagery. I don’t know what reason there is for this, but I, like I mentioned earlier, I have been thinking a lot about like, my younger self, when I was a kid, maybe just trying to figure out how I got to where I am now, trying to get to know myself a little better through childhood memories. I’ve been thinking about high school a lot, and not as much College. Sorry!

Claudia Henock 17:50
No, you’re fine. Because sometimes our memories when we’re younger, like affected us the most, and reflect the people we’ve become in high school, in college, in our working years. So it’s important to see where we’ve come from to figure out like where we’re going next.

Suzanne Fine 18:07
Yeah, and I feel like I understand that now more than I ever did. I mean, I definitely, like had nostalgic thoughts, and I reflected on things. But I think at this point in time, it’s become much more impactful to think about the past, and to try to reconcile who I was with who I am now. And it’s, and sometimes I’ll admit, it’s bittersweet. I mean, you know, we can’t go back to the past, and we’re not getting younger. So it’s hard sometimes to think about, you know, especially with the pandemic, how much more structured things kind of used to be when we were in school and how now we’re, you know, we’re in the real world, and we’re working jobs, and it’s, it’s not as much fun, that’s for sure. And there’s a lot more responsibility. So it’s bittersweet, but I don’t really know what I’m trying to get at with thinking so much about the past. It just, it does bring a lot of comfort. And yeah, I think we we get to know ourselves better that way, especially since right now. I’m definitely going through a period of trying to get to know who I am. But I think that’s a lifelong journey to like, we’re young, right still. But I don’t think we ever truly arrived at like, This is who I am. I think we’re always learning who we are throughout our entire lives. So it’s a journey.

Claudia Henock 19:21
Yeah, it’s always a journey. And Suzanne, I want to say thank you for coming on to my show today. And just talking about Jeffrey and just talking about, essentially, looking back at our childhoods and just reflecting where we’ve come from so far.

Suzanne Fine 19:40
Thanks for pushing me to do this because it’s definitely out of my comfort zone. Like I don’t usually take very well to having to put myself in front of an audience or having to, you know, talk about myself extensively in front of people but thanks for pushing me to, to do it and I wanted to do it for you because you know, Claudia, you’re a good friend of mine and you asked me to, and I know this is your passion, so…

Claudia Henock 20:05
Thank you. I really appreciate it. And my last question before we go, so do you have any social media that people can follow you on as well?

Suzanne Fine 20:13
Yeah. So my Instagram is @suzannemichelle
. I’m probably the only person who has an underscore in front, and after my name, I don’t know why I did that. Probably because the name was taken already. But yeah, that’s my Instagram name. And I don’t, I’m not really super active on there, either. But I’ve kind of, I don’t know if this is blasphemy in the social media world, but I am trying to separate myself a little bit more from Instagram and all that stuff. Because I think it’s better to live in the present and in the here and now. I think social media encourages us to live somewhere else. That’s not here.

Claudia Henock 21:00
I totally understand that as well. And I’m trying to get better with doing that too, because I’m kind of in a weird balance of, I need to essentially grow my professional brand. And unfortunately, social media is a component of it, and build a life outside of social media. So right now, for me, I’m trying to find that mix in between.

Suzanne Fine 21:19
It’s hard because you get addicted to social media, too. And it’s not good to have your time eaten up by you know, staring at your screen for hours. So I’m trying to pull myself away from that, gradually. Not going to do it cold turkey.

Claudia Henock 21:37
Totally. So Suzanne, I want to say thank you again, for being on my podcast today. I really appreciate you talking to me today as well.

Suzanne Fine 21:47
Oh, thank you, Claudia. Thanks for having me.

Claudia Henock 21:51
No problem. And I want to say thank you and have an awesome day. See you in a little bit.

Suzanne Fine 21:58
Bye.

Claudia Henock 22:03
Thank you for listening to this episode of Your Most Precious Thing. You can follow me @claudiahenock on Instagram and Twitter, as well as Claudia Henock on LinkedIn. You can also follow Your Most Precious Thing through my official website, www.claudiahenock.com, in addition to anywhere where you listen to your podcasts. Intro and outro music is Synapse by Shane Ivers, and you can find his music on silvermansound.com.